You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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