I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
