i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
