I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
