we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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