now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize