I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
