I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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