I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
