Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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