I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I want is dick and wine.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
