I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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