Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
