Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
