I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize