Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
