Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
