she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
