Yo dont text me then not text me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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