I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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