you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize