Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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