no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize