So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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