dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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