Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
