Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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