I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
