My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
