I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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