Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
