Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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