He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
