Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
