Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
