Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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