I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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