i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
