I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
grandma shit on top of the toilet
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
