This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize