I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
