Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
