Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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