So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
