Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I AM VODKA MAN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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