At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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