I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
