Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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