I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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