No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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