Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize