tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
