I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
