So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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