just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
