Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
