i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
