I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
