forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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