Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
