'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
