I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
