this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
