hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
