I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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