Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
