I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
