The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize