I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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