She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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