If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
