we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone came in the potted fern
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
