As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
