It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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