we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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