So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
