i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
