im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
