I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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