Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
