I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
