im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
