I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
