If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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