420 ftw
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
