two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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