I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
