I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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