you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
