I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
