All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
