She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
