Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
