So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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