I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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