I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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