I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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