did you get engaged???
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
