My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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