A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
