I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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