Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
