she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
