The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone came in the potted fern
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
